Both Sides
by Clementinen
Summary: Draco will do anything to gain the Dark Mark and prove his worth. When he finds a secret he wish he hadn't, he grabs the chance to exploit it, no matter how dark and wrong. DM/LM
1. Prologue

**Incest coming up. **

Draco Malfoy had always been scared of his father. The cold distance he emitted and the uncalmable rage that hid behind the silver grey eyes. Rage that didn't take much to inflame, especially in the deserted mansion that only held the three of them, Draco, Lucius, Narcissa and the countless almost unseen house elves that seemed to dissappear at night.

But lately the childish fears of beatings and scoldering had substituted for the fear of all the ugly things he saw in Lucius, that he sometimes also saw in himself. There were times when he had openly liftet the shields he tried to hide behind, and attempted to let his father in, but as he grew older these moments grew rarer.

The first time, when he had been six, and Lucius had silently entered his bedroom, his heart had shrunk with the fear that shot up in him, when he knew he had done something wrong. His father only came to him on such occasions.

He had closed his eyes hard, pretending to still be asleep as he should be. His back was against the door, so he could only feel when Lucius sat down on the bed.

He waited in darkness for Lucius to speak, wake hime up or turn on the lights. But he didn't. Draco had no idea how much time had passed when he suddenly felt a big hand resting softly on his arm. The first seconds he had been paralyzed with fear, but as the time went on and nothing happened, he began to relax more. Tried to keep his breath slow and steady as he had heard his mother sound, when she had fallen asleep in front of the big fireplace.

It had felt like hours before his father had liftet his hand of him and left the room. Draco had sighed a sigh of relief when he heard the door close.

Apart from the first and last, these occorunces had mixed themself together and flown into the stream of memories in Dracos mind. He couldn't remember the duration the visits had taken place over, weeks, months or years. Neither when Lucius presence in the room had changed from something scary to reassuring. The fear had grown into something nice and relaxing. In these moments, where his father hadn't been scolding or demanding, resting a warm protective hand on Draco, had been the only moments he could remember where he had felt like something else than a nuisance and like his father truly did care about him. Why else would he take time out of his neatly planned schedule to sit here by his apparently sleeping son.

He wasn't sure how many times his father had visited him nightly, he couldn't remember, and it had struck him that he actually may have been asleep sometimes when his father had been there. He wouldn't know. But the memories stood out to him, like something nice, warm and secret, those few moments where he had truly felt safe.

He did remember when the visits stopped. But again, he wouldn't understand the importance or implications of what he had heard that evening, until many years later. And that he perhaps should have been mor afraid than ever, in those moments.

_He remembers the hand softly placed on his shoulder. _

_Draco almost twitched when Narcissa suddenly spoke, but he had supressed the chock, lying perfectly still, pretending to sleep._

_"Don't touch him."_

_Lucius had obviously been surprised too,as the bed gently shoke as he turned around, quickly retracting his hand and probably facing the door where Narcissa stood._

_"I can touch my son."_

_"I see how you look at him."_

_Lucius made a sound almost like a snort. "Please." He sounded amused and Narcissa didn't answer right away. _

_"I know what your father did to you and you will not do the same to my son. I will not let him be a victim of your narcissism. You are sick."_

_Draco stiffened._

_Lucius stood up and the mattress liftet slightly. Draco could feel the tension grow as Lucius approached her. He didn't know what his mother had meant,but he knew what was coming next, as so many times could feel it. He closed his eyes harder shut._

_The sound of a hand meeting naked flesh hard. _

_"You will never speak to me like that again,"Lucius snarled. " You are my wife and will treat me with the respect I deserve. " He had paused. "Do you understand?"_

_It felt like an eternity before she answered. "Yes." _

_"Don't question I love him." _

_Draco's heart had made a somersault. His father had never told him he loved him, only his mother, and that was already rarely._

_But Narcissa had made a sound, almost like laughter. "No, I don't doubt that," she answered in a mocking voice_

_He hit her again and the sound made Draco squirm._

_"Go to bed," Lucius demanded. He sounded like he always did, cold and aloof, like nothing had happened. The seconds had again ticked on, until he had finally heard a demonstratively reluctant sigh, and then the heels of his mother, slowly tacking down the corridor, dissappearing in the big mansion. _

_His father had stood there, for a long time, before he finally also had left the room, closing the door softly behind him. _


	2. Chapter 1

The window was open in the dining room, letting in the warm morning air.

Narcissa looked up from the Daily Prophet and smiled quickly as Draco entered the dining room. "Good morning." She looked down again before he could answer.

"Morning."

The seat reserved for Lucius at the end of the table was empty and only Narcissa was seated, where she always sat, at the longside, by Lucius' right hand. Draco took the chair opposite her and grabbed two pieces of toasted bread, from the big plate. A houseelf soundlessly poured tea into one of the fine delicate cups Draco hated.

"Anything planned for today?" Narcissa asked but Draco didn't answer.

He glanced at her while buttering his toast. "Where's father?" he then asked casually.

Narcissa didn't look up from the paper. "Work."

"At the ministry?"

"Yes, probably."

Draco took a bite of his toast, slowly chewing and swallowing before speaking again carefully. "Did he come home last night?"

Narcissa didn't move, but her pupils had stopped in their track Draco noticed. "No," she answered before looking up again, taking a sip of her tea and meeting his glance. "He can't be home all the time, important people are relying on your father right now."

"Are you talking about the Dark Lord?"

Narcissa sighed demonstratively before putting her cup down. "Why, Draco?"

"I'm not a child. Don't treat me like that, like I'm an idiot, I was there when Potter came back with that Diggory kid. I want to know exactly what's going on and take part in it."

"You wan't to know everything?"

"I could help, that's what I'm saying."

For a second Draco thought he could see a glimmer of a grin on her face, then it was replaced by genuine concern.

"I think you are trying to bite more off than you can chew," she said, leaning back and studying him with eyes that had a worried look in them. "Your father tells you everything you need to know."

"I am not a child!"

"You are fifteen!" Narcissa cut in, in a stern voice. "And until you are of age we will not discuss this further. Understood?"

Something in her voice told Draco he probably shouldn't pursue the topic anymore. So he just nodded.

"And even then, you'd have to speak with your father about it, " she added in a sudden cold voice, looking back down at the paper. "He's more.. involved than I."

"He never has the time.." Draco said, slumping back against the uncomfortable chair.

"Does he hate me?"

Draco hadn't intended to ask, but the words had slipped out without him meaning to. He felt his cheeks grow hot and looked down at the plate of half eaten toast.

Narcissa had looked up, a stern look in her face."Draco look at me," she said and he had. "Don't ever think that. He.. We love you, very much."

He had nodded once, but it probably hadn't looked convincing since Narcissa added. "He's very busy, you know that."

"Can I be excused?"

"You barely haven't eaten anything."

"I'm not hungry."

Narcissa looked at him like she tried to read his thoughts. Then she sighed and lowered her eyes back to the paper. "You can go."

* * *

Narcissa knocked twice and waited for Lucius to speak.

"Enter," his voice finally called, and she opened the door, stepping into the study.

A dark desk stood in the middle of the room, which Lucius sat behind. On his right was a small fireplace, mostly used to contact other people of importance quickly when it was needed. The walls could barely be seen by the bookshelves decorated by expensive books and drawings depicting both humans and animals in different stages of being affected by various spells or potions. No windows.

Narcissa cleared her throat and took place in front of the big, dark desk and Lucius looked up from the letter he was writing.

"Yes?"

"We need to talk about Draco."

A single line appeared on Lucius' forehead which Narcissa took for concern. So she continued.

"He wants to become a Death Deater."

Lucius smiled. "I'm aware. But I won't le-"

"And he thinks you hate him," Narcissa interrupted. "You are very important to him for some reason."

Lucius leaned back in the chair, eyeing his wife. "Why does he think I hate him?"

"Well, try your absence for a start. You always avoid him."

"I specifically remember _you_ telling me on several occasions not to touch him."

"You know what I meant."

"No, I didn't actually, Narcissa," Lucius said in the most patient voice he could muster. He folded his hands in front of him on the desk. "What are you so afraid of? You seem very interested and conflicted about my relationship with him. If you are so afraid of what you think I might do to him, why are you complaining about me not being near the boy"

"Only because he cares about you."

Lucius paused before speaking again. "So what should I do?"

"You could go talk to him."

"Am I allowed?" He asked with a cold fire burning behind his eyes.

"To talk, yes." She said, her eyes lightning back. "Nothing more."

"You must think so little of me, Narcissa," Lucius said with a little smile.

"You're right," she answered and Lucius' face turned to stone.

He stood up and the chair almost fell when it was pushed back. "I have never laid a finger on that boy!" he thundered. "Never touched a hair on his head, what grudge can you possibly keep holding against me!?"

"No, you don't even touch him. Sometimes, I think it's because you're afraid, because you know what you're capable of," Narcissa said in a quiet voice while rising to her feet.

Lucius was furious. He was about to open his mouth, to say something, when Narcissa interrupted him again.

"I'm not afraid of you anymore," she said, that cold dead look still in her eyes. "Only of what you might do to Draco. I stay because of him, and I will stay, after he is of age. But if you ever hurt him I _will_ leave. With him. And I will tell everybody."

"There is nothing to tell," Lucius hissed through nearly closed lips.

"Let's keep it that way, Lucius," she added, before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

* * *

The next day almost passed before Draco heard from his father.

He had been sitting on his bed for the last hour, polishing his Nimbus 2001. He had gotten a new one, as a welcome gift home, but his old broom still stood out to him. And sometimes, like now, he would try to groom it and without luck bring it back to its former glory and look. He looked up when someone knocked on the door.

Three knocks.

He waited a few seconds before answering. "Enter."

A little houseelf peeped his head inside, before opening the door completely, bowing and looking up at Draco with big brown eyes. "Master Malfoy requires your presence in the study, Young Master" the elf squeaked.

"Tell him he can come here if he wants to talk to me."

"But the Master specifically said.."

"I don't _care_ what he told you," Draco interrupted. "I'm not coming."

The houseelf paused before bowing so deep his nose touched the carpet. Then he looked up again. "Please sir, Master Dra-"

"GO!" Draco shouted and the houseelf almost jumped his own height in the air before hurrying back out the door and down the hallway.

Draco sighed. Then he waited. His father always took his time, and this was no exception. Twenty minutes passed in silence as Draco finished off polishing his broom, and then began grooming the tail.

Lucius didn't knock, he opened the door like he owned the room, which he did, and marched confidently in.

Draco froze for a second, then looked up again.

"What do you want?" he asked in a harsh voice.

Lucius lifted an eyebrow but didn't comment on Draco's tone.

"We should speak."

Draco didn't answer but instead waited for his father to start.

"I think you owe me an apology."

"For what?" Draco blurted out. His father eyes were lightning at him at he knew he was pushing boundaries and walking on thin ice. He didn't care.

"I expect you to come when I send for you."

"Why? You don't even respect me!?" Draco said and threw the broom on the bed when he stood up.

"Respect is earned, Draco," Lucius hissed. "Since you don't respect me, I can't seem to return the favor."

"Like running around for you like a dog?"

"Draco," Lucius just said in a warning tone.

"If.. if I became a Death Eater I could show you what I'm capable of, I would make you proud."

"No."

"Do you hate me?" Draco asked, looking at his father with a hopeless look on his face. Lucius hesitated, and Draco had a bad feeling that his father actually had to think about the question.

"No."

"So you just don't care about me."

Lucius didn't say anything for a long time, eyeing the boy in front of him.

"I try to make the right choices for you. You may not see it now, but you will when you get older."

"Well, you treat me like a child," Draco mumbled to the carpet.

Lucius lifted his hand, placing it gently on his sons shoulder. "You are," he then said, in a softer voice than Draco had ever heard him use before. He looked up at his father, and met his gaze before being pulled into a hug.

Draco froze. He couldn't remember the last time his father had hugged him and it felt nice, although slightly awkward. But then he felt Lucius' hands glide down his back, ending on his hips, and alarm clocks began ringing in the back of Draco's mind.

"Respect is earned, Draco." Lucius whispered, his hands still resting on Draco and he felt a huge relief when his father finally let go and took a step back, looking him in the eyes.

"You will earn the dark mark when you are ready, not before."

"What if a war breaks out?"

Lucius seemed to think about it for a minute. "If something happens, that will make me reconsider, I will reconsider."

Draco didn't continue. He felt dumbstruck by his father's sudden hug and endearment. So he just nodded.

* * *

The winter lay thick over Malfoy Manor. Draco had barely seen his father after he came home from Hogwarts, not counting Christmas Eve, morning, and new year's which he had attended but with a distracted, tired look on his face and left as soon as he possible could.

Draco had asked his mother many times what was happening, where his father was leaving to, but had just got increasingly more annoyed and misleading answers.

He knew Bellatrix was out, he had known long before the breakout had happened, but not much more.  
Ever since, not even Narcissa had been regularly home, the important stuff was happening wherever Bellatrix was.  
And It seemed the bond they had had and the information he used to get from his father had disappeared, not on purpose, but simply because Lucius was busier with more important stuff than keeping his son up to date. Whatever he heard, he heard through his mother talking to other housewives, and even though they seemed more concerned about current affairs than they ever had, it wasn't enough for Draco's' curiosity and his longing to be a part of it.

So when neither his mom nor his dad had been home for a week after new years, he felt betrayed. Isolated. And very, very angry.

He spent the most of the days wandering the mansion, reading the newspapers, not bothering to do the homework he had been assigned, when there were more important matters, and when his mother finally came home eight days after New Year's Eve, late night, he met her in the hall.

"Where have you been?"

Narcissa looked at him with surprised eyes.

"What are you so upset about?" she asked casually while hanging her coat on the coat stand by the door.

"Are you serious? You haven't been home in a week. Have you been with Bellatrix?"

She froze for a second, but then turned to her son with a smile on her face.

"It doesn't concern you, Draco."

"Yes, it does! She's my aunt. You always do this, you never tell me anything anymore." Draco shouted, feeling as hopeless as ever.

"Draco, NO!" Narcissa commanded, looking more annoyed and tired than ever. "I have told you we wouldn't discuss this until you turn seventeen."

"Things have changed, I want to know what's going on, and it's on the front page of the Prophet for Merlins sake!"

Narcissa looked at her son and reminded Draco of a statue. "Well, then you'll have to talk to your father about it."

"He told me he would talk to me, but I have barely seen him after aunt Bellatrix got out." He paused. "Tell me where Bellatrix is. She's the only one who'll take me seriously; she won't treat me like an idiot.

"You barely even know her, Draco."

"I know her enough! She's not afraid, of anything, not even showing who she is no matter what it means. She'll understand my loyalty!"

Narcissa looked like Draco had just spat on her face.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm going to pack my things now. And I'll go look for her. It'll be easier if you just tell me where she is but I don't care." Then he turned on his heel and walked back up the stairs.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Lucius entered the house. A houseelf followed by Narcissa hurried down the stairs to greet him.

"Welcome home, Maste-" the houself began but Lucius interrupted it when Narcissa stood in front of him.

"Is he still here?"

Narcissa sniffed the air and shot her husband a reproachful look.

"Have you been drinking?"

Lucius didn't answer; he just met his wife's eyes. "Where is he?" he hissed.

"He.. in his room," she said. She could feel the fear she tried to suppress so hard, smolder in her stomach.

Lucius threw his cloak over the stand and went upstairs, Narcissa observing him, a worried look on her face.

* * *

The door slammed open and Lucius entered the room, filling it with rage in seconds.

Draco froze, with the robe still in his hands. He had counted on his father coming home much later, probably not today, and had planned to change clothes to something more anonymous and less pompous than the Slytherin green cloak he had been wearing all day, before wandering around, trying to find an escaped prisoner from Azkaban. He initially avoided his father's eyes, looking down his own naked chest.

"Where do you think you are going?" Lucius asked in a demanding voice.

Draco straightened up and tried to look higher than he actually was, not to seem embarrassed by his own nakedness. "Aunt Bellatrix, father," he answered, in a calm unaffected voice.

Lucius didn't seem surprised at Draco's coldness or answer, and Draco assumed his mother had told him, probably sent him an owl, and that's why he had come home so suddenly. Instead Lucius lifted his head, surveying the boy in front of him with cold, angry eyes.

"You're are not of legal age and you live under my roof."

"You practically don't live here anymore. And I don't care; I can do whatever I want."

Draco was sure he saw a fire explode in his fathers eyes and he swallowed somthing that had suddenly got stuck in his throat. Lucius didn't say anything, instead he approached Draco with a determination he had never seen before. Quickly he lifted his right hand and grabbed his son's neck in a hard grip, turning his face up against his own.

"No, you cannot," Lucius hissed and Draco could smell the fire whisky on his breath. His nails dug into the back of Draco's neck and he refused to show any sign of weakness and instead just stared back with the hardest glance he could manage.

"You are neither clever, nor strong, your magic is mediocre and you are not capable of doing anything singlehandedly. When you turn seventeen you will continue to be a disappointment on your own, but until that day, I will decide where you live and what you do, _every single moment_."

Draco felt like he had been hit in the face. He thought that he actually would have preferred that over the hard truth his father had just told him, confirming everything he feared. The nails dug deeper into the back of his head now and he fought to keep back the tears he could feel prickling behind his eyes. The courage it had taken so long to gather disappeared in seconds.

"Do you understand, Draco," Lucius added slowly, putting weight behind each word.

H didn't answer. He could feel the apathy spread in his chest and felt like a little child, defeated. He wasn't sure he could keep his voice under control if he used it.

Lucius hand crept up to Draco's hair, where he grabbed him and forced his head back further so his neck was exposed.

"Answer me," Lucius demanded in a loud voice, shaking Draco.

"Yes, sir," Draco answered, in a very little voice.

"Good." Lucius' voice and temper had changed immediately, back to the usual cold stiffness after Draco had spoken. Back to the facade, Draco thought.

He let go of his son and instead placed his hand softly on his shoulder. "You can be a good boy when you want to."

Draco wanted to hit him in the face. Or curse him with the worst wiggly ears in history. Instead he looked down at the carpet.

Then Lucius hugged Draco.  
Again Draco froze when his face got pressed against his father's shoulder. He suddenly felt very naked, and he went cold as he felt Lucius' hands slide slowly down his back, again stopping to rest on his hips.

"And you want to make me happy, don't you Draco..?" Lucius whispered softly and Draco could hear the alarm bells in his head starting up again, very suddenly and now very loud.

"Y-yes," he stammered, turning his face away so he could breathe again, without being buried in his father's robes and smell.

Lucius moved his head so his nose and lips was in the boy's hair.

Draco couldn't remember a time when his father had ever touched him without a layer of cloth between them and his naked hands felt strange and uncomfortable against his skin.

He felt relief for a moment when Lucius finally let go of him. But then he felt the hands on his pants, slowly forcing them down and a fear a thousand times more intense than he had ever felt shot through his body. His eyes widened in shock as he finally realized what was going on. What was going to happen if he didn't stand up for himself.

With a force that took all the strength he had, he lifted his arms and pushed his father away. Lucius took two steps back, swaying on his feet before finding the balance and quickly straightening up.

But he didn't stand still for long, and in seconds he was over the boy again, holding him in a metal grip by the jaw, pressing him against the wall.

"Respect is earned, Draco," Lucius hissed, his mouth inches from his ear.

Draco didn't answer, he felt completely frozen, he didn't even speak when Lucius grabbed his hand. But the life finally got back into him when he felt his hand being guided in under his father's robes and he tried pulling it back.

"No, no, no.." he begged, but his voice was only a whisper now and Lucius didn't answer, he just grabbed his son harder.

Draco clenched his hand into a first, using all his strength in trying to get his arm back.

"Let me go," he pleaded, did everything to make it sound demanding, but there was still no answer, only Lucius' free, cold hand on his back, gliding down, until his fingertips touched the fabric of his pants and with little difficulty crept inside.

Draco finally found his voice. "No, wait, wait!" he begged, before his voice rose to a shout. "NO, LET ME GO! LET GO OF ME!"

And Lucius finally did, showing Draco to the ground.

"Shut up, pathetic child," he snarled with an annoyed look on his face. His hair was only a little messy and he quickly got his lost breath back.

Draco just looked up at him, still wide-eyed with fear.

Lucius looked down at him, that angry, dissatisfied look still in his eyes, before turning on his heel and disappearing out the door without another word.

Draco curled into a ball on the floor, his heart racing in his chest. He felt the tears come long before he began sobbing.


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry for the unreasonable long delay.**

**I was unsatisfied with the second chapter and didn't feel like continuing the story since it was differencing too much with the canon timeline.**

**So I went back and changed some stuff and I'll not rule out that I won't change it more later. It's not exactly as I wanted it to be, but it's closer, and for now that is good enough.**  
**You don't have to reread it if you really don't want to, I mostly just changed the timesetting a little and whatever that affected.**

**Thanks for the comments, I'm sorry I haven't answered, but it really does mean a lot.**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter, and please tell me if I've made some mistakes, still learning my English grammar.**

**Oh, and of course, so much incest coming up (don't act surprised, you naughty person).**

* * *

It hadn't been hard figuring out what to do.

The hard part had been deciding to go through with it.

Even now the uncerntainty lingered at the back of Dracos mind and he looked at himself in the mirror where a wild-eyed ghost seemed to stare back.

Hiss bags were already placed neatly next to the bed by a houseelf, and he sat down, the mattres sinking slightly under him.

He had known it from the moment Lucius had left this room six months before, although it felt much longer.  
Perhaps because most of his time at Hogwarts had been spent waiting, waiting to come home because he knew what had to be done, almost immediately.

But he had needed the distance from Lucius to decide, which he had gotten. He hadn't seen his father once, since the night he had wanted to leave for Bellatrix'.

Draco placed his hands in his lap, looked at his polished shoes and sighed.

But as usual, nothing had gone according to plan. His father had disappointed the Dark Lord at the Ministry.  
And this day was Lucius' last day home before he would go to Azkaban, tomorrow. Indefinitely.  
In hours he had seen his plan collapse and his window of opportunity close to a tiny gap.

The only thing now was the Dark Lord and thankfully Lucius had still been able to pull enough strings to postpone his leave to the day after Draco had returned.

If his father had arranged it that way or if it was purely coincedental he didn't know. But at least he would have a few hours.

Narcissa had already greeted him at the station, silently, teary eyed and they had spent a quiet dinner where he hadn't even dared to ask why Lucius wouldn't spend his last free night with them.

She had gone to bed after barely touching her dinner, not looking up at him, just defeated.

So it was now or never, his mother would never tell him where he should go, what he should do, his father was his only option and he only had a few hours left, the sun was already casting long shadows on the walls.

* * *

He knocked twice.

"Enter."

His father was bent over the desk as usual, but this time no book or letter lay under his hands. Instead Lucius was staring at the bare wood with an nearly empty glass of honey colored liquid placed in front of him.

He didn't look up, as usual again, but discreetly pushed the drink away and pulled a document to him, as Draco closed the door carefully behind himself.

Lucius finally looked up and Draco met his tired gaze before his father quickly shifted his eyes back to his hands, studying his fingers, with a hint of emberasment on his face.  
He seemed exhausted with dark circles under his eyes, thinner than he had ever been before.

Draco thought he saw a glimpse of grey in his white hair, but couldn't be sure, since the only lightsource was from the smoldering fireplace which gave the room and eerie, dark light like the sunset.

"Yes, what do you want, Draco?" Lucius interrupted the silence, as Draco had suddenly forgotten his words and instead were busy taking in his father's appearance.

Draco didn't answer at once. Now that what he had planned for months was finally going to happen, it was all too real. The thought of what he was about to do and say turned his stomach into a painful knot. He could hear the blood in his ears now, his heart felt like a cannonball, bouncing around inside him.

Lucius had noted his silence and looked up again with a raised eyebrow.

"Well?"

"I want to talk about what.. what happened in January."

He could see Lucius' already pale face turn paler and a faint glow appear on his cheeks, barely giving his tired face life.

"There's nothing to talk about, Draco. Nothing happened." His voice was stern, giving Draco the impression that he would be better to drop the subject instantly. He knew he couldn't.

"You tried to.." his words were mumbled and he weren't sure that his father had actually heard it. He breathed deeply, raised his voice when he spoke again. "You touched me, you.. You tried to fuck me."

The silence pressed against his eardrums and for a moment Draco was sure Lucius would stand, to hit him, punish him in any way.

But instead he looked down once more, at the hands he had gently placed in his lap and what looked like shame shadowed his face.

"I did not intend for it to happen." He paused. "I apologize."

Daco felt his courage rise.

"Well, it did. Why?"

Lucius sighed and grabbed the glass in front of him.

"I had been drinking. I was under a lot of pressure." He spat the words out and looked into the drink before taking a sip and looking up again. "I would prefer this to not be our last conversation. We may not see each other again for.. a long time."

Draco didn't answer, he was thinking of how to turn the conversation the way he wanted when Lucius spoke up.

"Why are you here, Draco?"

He had to force the words out, he felt breathless.

"I want to make you happy. I know what you want from me."

"I don't know what you're talking about," but he looked down as he said it.

"I think it's too late to deny it now."

He was only met with silence and decided any other time wouldn't be better. His shaking hands clumsily fiddled with the button of his robe for a few seconds before he finally got it off and stroke the cape back from his shoulders.

He shuddered for a moment when the colder air embraced his naked body, but he didn't cover and didn't look away from his father who was staring wideeyed with slightly open mouth.

"You can have me. I am yours, father."

Lucius eyes quickly scanned over him and then as quickly, as if he was ashamed of himself, met Draco's gaze boldly, as if not daring to look anywhere else.

"Put your robe back on, Draco."

"No." He said it as soft as possibly while still trying to seem determined.

Lucius sighed and looked away, avoiding his naked body but taking in the carpet instead.

"What do you want from me, Draco?"

"I want to be a Death Eater."

"As you should know, I am not the Dark Lords favorite servant at the moment." He spoke with resignation and Draco had never heard him sound more sincere. "I doubt I can do anything for you that you can't manage yourself."

"I just need to know where I can find him, so I can offer him my loyalty. I need you to assure him of it"

Lucius snorted.

"You offer yourself to me.. in change for a location?"

"To show you I am willing to do anything, father."

Lucius shook his head before taking a sip of his glass.

"Do you value my approval that highly?"

"Of course."

His father looked at him again, with eyes that Draco couldn't recognize. Examining and puzzled, like he had never seen his son clearly before, and behind it, sadness.

Then a short snort and a snarky grin.

"Well, you seem determined."

Draco took a step closer and Lucius shot out of the chair, his drink still clenched in his hand.  
His face again completely changed, now determined and demanding, but the glimpse of sadness now replaced by fear. He backed away slowly, almost leaning against the bookcase before stopping.

"Stay there."

Draco didn't, he continued, slowly, araound the desk, while Lucius followed him with apprehensive eyes, until he was in front of his father, looking up into the cold grey that seemed almost scared.

"Do what you want to me, father. I won't tell anyone." His words barely a whisper.

Lucius' eyes flickered. "I… I shouldn't."

Draco raised his hands up, around his fathers neck. Tiptoing to reach, he kissed him softly on the cheek. He paused before kissing him again, closer to the lips.

He could feel his father's warm, fast breath.

They stood there for what felt like ages, Draco waiting for his father to move, feeling his heart thundering in his chest.

He couldn't stop now. So he closed his eyes and kissed his father on the lips.

Lucius didn't respond at first, he seemed frozen, even his breath stopped, but Draco heard the glass slip from his grip and land on the carpet with a hard thud.

And then he slowly opened his mouth and Draco felt his arms around him, pulling him deeper into the kiss.

It felt wrong. So very wrong. Draco wanted to tear himself away, run far from this room, but he couldn't, so he just pressed his eyes harder shut. His father had taken control now, planting his usual hand in Draco's hair, like it belonged there and always had, the other on his waist, forcing him closer.

Lucius's kisses were hard and greedy now, and more intimate than Draco had ever felt before and his warm tongue twisted inside his mouth, around his own tongue.

He felt his hand being guided down until it was pressed over the growing bulge between them. A moan escaped Lucius but Draco gasped and the kiss was disrupted.

Lucius voice was warm and raspy against his air when he spoke, utterly different from the fear he had just seen in him "Have you ever been with anyone?"

"No."

"Are you scared?" Lucius whispered in an amused voice.

"No."

His forehead rested against his fathers shoulder, but he didn't look down as his hand was securely guided under Lucius' robes.

Every part of him screamed at him to stop, but he didn't, until he reached what Lucius had sought and he felt a soft gasp against his ear.

"You can be a good boy when you want to.."

His skin was hot and sticky and for a moment the disgust in Draco rose op in him and he froze. Then he let go of his breath and started moving his hand, back and forth, trying to find a rhythm while Lucius' breath began to shake softly.

He felt the hand under his chin before being forced to look up and pulled into a warm breathless kiss and just as quickly being pushed to his knees.

The disgust welled up again, but he didn't have time to react before Lucius' hand was under his chin again and forcing his mouth open by digging his fingers into his cheeks and forcing himself inside his mouth.

He tasted salty, intimate, and when the first groans escaped his fathers lips he felt an enormous satisfaction for a second, before it dissapered and was replaced by shame.

He tried finding a rhythm, but it was harder than it looked, moving both hand and mouth and in the back of his mind he could hear his father, making small, almost soundless, satisfied groans.

Draco could feel his own saliva slowly dripping down his chin and the disgust at himself swelled up again.

He felt his father hand on his head again, gently, before being pulled up by the hair.

Lucius was gazing down at him with hazy, half shut eyes and he didn't say anything before pushing Draco, so he stumbled awkardly backwards before hitting the desk behind him and falling back.

He only maneged to lift himself up to rest on his elbows before his father was over him in again, with a hand pressed against his throat.

The motions were quick, Lucius lifting up Dracos legs and spitting on his fingers, and the complete fear overwhelmed him only for a second before he felt the warmth between his legs, before he felt two fingers being pushed inside him.

He squirmed, but the hand over his throat made him gasp and wheese if he tried moving too much and he only managed a sloppy kick that only hit thin air.

Draco didn't say anything, but couldn't suppress his gasp completely at the tightnees and his fathers fingers digging deeper and upwards

Then he felt it, like a tense ball inside him, he gasped and Lucius smiled as his body tensed up and relaxed like a shock passing through him.

He slowly let his fingers glide out, and Draco closed his eyes before realization shot through him again.

It was going to happen now.

He felt it, his father pressing against him, warm and wet.

"This is going to hurt. A lot."

And then, white pain shooting through him, like he would split all through his body.

Draco was sure he was dying, the pain was deep, intense, stabbing and unbearably tight and he wanted to suppress the scream, but he couldn't and it left his lips sounding more like a sob.

Immediately his father was over him once again, the hand gone from his throat and instead pressed over his mouth, his fathers lips and breathless voice softly against his ear.

"Shh, I know. You are doing so well."

Lucius moved, only a little, but it was enough to make Draco cry out again and he bit down on Lucius' hand, who didn't respond other than slowly thrusting and shaking gasps.

And he felt it again. The small, tense ball inside himself, aching and nerves writhing from the center all through his body.

He quickly felt himself grow and a disgust at himself bigger than he had ever felt before overwhelmed him and he closed his eyes tighter, he wanted to dissapear.

But immediately he felt his father's grip under his chin and his head forced back upwards. "Look at me," Lucius demanded.

He obeyed, as slowly as possible. Squinting he looked into his father's cold, grey eyes and he could never have overlooked his father's satisfied grin.

He felt lost from all mercy, the ball inside him growing, stirring him, slowly making him lose his breath, and still the hand under his chin, the grey eyes looking into the darkest corners of his soul.

And he closed his eyes again.

"Look me in the eyes, Draco," Lucius' words were clear, but hard, almost breathless, forced out and into the same rythm as the two bodies. "Now," follewed by a shake and he opened his eyes again.

"I will make you forget the shame."

And Lucius thrust deeper, upwards again, and he felt himself grow bigger while the pain faded into nothing.

He wanted to look away; he was shaking now, gasping for air, higher that he had ever been before.

He moaned, suddenly, a sound he hadn't intended but had been pushed through his body and he finally forced his head from Lucius' grip and looked away before shutting his eyes hard.

He felt his fathers hands around his waist, digging into his skin, and he couldn't hold it back anymore and the ball inside him exploded.

Draco gasped before coming harder than he ever had, shock passing through his body making him quiver before all muscles eased up.

The shame rushed over him immediately. He was overwhelmed, trying to find his breath. He never wanted to open his eyes again, no matter how much his father demanded.

But his father didn't say anything, before grapping Draco's throat, only digging his nails harder into him and hunching over him as he quickly came in two deep gasp.

Draco felt himself getting filled again and the warm luquid running down his buttocks.

He was so tired, every muscle in his body felt limp and he was sure he would never move again.

He would lie here forever, dead, and he didn't even flinch when his father pulled himself out.

Draco heard Lucius shuffle around, probably tidying up his clothes and fixing his hair before he spoke.

"Put your clothes on, then we'll go to him."

* * *

**I don't know if this is the end, I think I may write about the fallout, would that be anything you guys would be interested in, or do you think it should just end here?**

**Anyway, I really hope it was worth the wait.**


End file.
